warning: it's gonna get ugly, here

i saw the presidential debates last night. after reading beforehand about how much both camps fiddled and fought over specifics such as the distance between their podiums to the lighting of their homely faces, i felt i was just watching the second table reading for some off-off broadway play. granted, kerry at least acted like a mature adult; bush was a hilarious sight to see with his uncontrollable face of a petulant child. i kept wincing every time kerry said, "kill the terrorists." i wanted to imagine that he was referring to the suits in the white house that are orchestrating the terrorizing of iraqi civilians abroad and american citizens at home. but, he wasn't. even if kerry wins, there's still going to be that war and more kkk-illing. this year's election is so pathetic. it reminds me of when i would play board games by myself as a child. i would arbitrarily favor one half of myself to beat the other half of myself at the game. i guess i'd rather have kerry land on monopoly's boardwalk more than bush, but given the option, i would have to go with richard pryor's choice in "brewster's millions": none of the above.

in other ugly news...
i returned to my healer today. i felt like a guilt-ridden catholic kid confessing her sins: how i ate that cookie two weeks ago; how i had that deadly combination of wine, weed and chocolate the night before (i didn't fully confess to the weed); how i ate some mango jello at my aunt's 80th birthday. he just kindly laughed, but said i need to stick to the diet.

"but my friend's getting married next weekend!"

"enjoy yourself at the wedding, but afterwards, you need to let your body heal."

i guess the past five weeks have been in preparation for something big, since now, i'm embarking on phase two of my holistic health kick in the pants. (warning: i'm going to start writing about bodily functions. if it's too much, well, shit. read someone else's blog :))

for the next few weeks, i'm going to be doing a slow-motion version of janet jackson's favorite medical treatment/entertainment excursion: colonics. my doctor has me taking flax seed oil, psyllium, and some other intestinal herbal power pill. apparently, he thinks i could use some plumbing work. roto-rooter!

i've become this pill popping, smoothie-making neurotic. i was always neurotic, but now, i'm neurotic and a pill popper. oh, i forgot to add: i'm going to soon be a pill popping neurotic who will forever be on the toilet. no wonder nothing's happening on loveorbust. with all this dieting, i'm afraid i'm going to turn into one of those ass-less skinny girls with the body of a 12-year old boy. in other words, paris hilton. if only benadryl could solve my allergies.

note to self: wine, weed and chocolate do not mix.