my other life as an amateur book reviewer... it's lame, too

come june 9, 2004, it will be the five-year anniversary of my silly review of a headless cupid by zilpha keatley snyder. for some goofy reason, i was so excited when i found out that the book was still in print, that i felt the urgent need to post the following review:

"6 of 8 people found the following review helpful" and look! people reviewed my review!:

i rememer this vividly from my childhood, June 9, 1999

Reviewer: A reader from california

i was just going through amazon to find titles of books i had read as a child. i was pleasantly surprised to find "the headless cupid" still in print. reading this book as an impressionable 7-year old in the early eighties, i wondered around the house with an aluminum foil triangle on my forehead like amanda in the story. the mysterious ending of the novel (which i won't reveal) left a chilling memory that i still carry with me today. these days, i enjoy talking to people my age and asking them what books do they best remember. "the headless cupid" is usually my favorite childhood book about which i ask.

look ma! i'm "famous." maybe, someday i'll learn the difference between "wondered" and "wandered." ouch!

bud dammit!

i can't, for the life of me, seem to find a decent earbud for my cell phone anymore. granted, i can easily go on the nokia site and buy accessories from there, but i'm near broke! and this phone is on its last ear. that's right, ladies and gents, i'm waiting out my contract so i can take my number elsewhere! such is the gigola life of a cellphone user. i spent almost two hours at the mall waiting for some (let's call him, "dude") at some kiosk to give me a refund on my barely audible earbud that i bought last week from him. he had a sign that read, "exchanges within 7 business days. no refunds." i changed all that. unfortunately, the guy who ran the kiosk was not there, i was told, because he was "out getting merchandise"-- aka, he was probably shopping somewhere else! in his place, was his helpless friend who did everything to stall.

"he'll be here in an hour."

"an hour?"

"yeah, he's on his way. he called me."

i hung out at the mall, having an overpriced lunch and my moroccan mint addiction tea latte, reading. over an hour later, i return to the kiosk to find... the same helpless dude!

"he's on his way. he told me. he's on overland. he'll be here any minute."

why do people say that? as if anyone has time to guesstimate which of the infinite possible minutes within the time continuum that we know, helpless dude's friend will arrive. helpless dude's friend finally arrived. he tried to show me how he was "doing me a big favor" in giving me a refund by staring at the credit card machine with confusion: "i don't even know where the 'refund' button is because we don't give refunds.'" did i care? shoot! well, at least he learned something new today. (i sound bitter). really, i'm not mad. i'm just earbudless.

1, 2, 3... i said 1... ONE!

"t" had to help me get my priorities in order. i was so overwhelmed with everything i have to do... not just today, but every day. i made a list. i numbered "to do's" and now, i'm still sitting on my ass typing this--stalling before i get to #1. #1: CLEAN YOUR ROOM! i'm still in my jammies. i don't think i want to leave my jammies. i think i want a good reason to leave my jammies. i need to watch a movie. i just saw a movie on saturday. i want to watch another movie. maybe i should watch, "donnie darko," again. i watch "donnie darko" a lot. i should just write my own damn movie. maybe i should make a "pre #1a: make lunch. pre #1b: write movie. pre #1c: get out of your jammies."