warning: it's gonna get ugly, here

i saw the presidential debates last night. after reading beforehand about how much both camps fiddled and fought over specifics such as the distance between their podiums to the lighting of their homely faces, i felt i was just watching the second table reading for some off-off broadway play. granted, kerry at least acted like a mature adult; bush was a hilarious sight to see with his uncontrollable face of a petulant child. i kept wincing every time kerry said, "kill the terrorists." i wanted to imagine that he was referring to the suits in the white house that are orchestrating the terrorizing of iraqi civilians abroad and american citizens at home. but, he wasn't. even if kerry wins, there's still going to be that war and more kkk-illing. this year's election is so pathetic. it reminds me of when i would play board games by myself as a child. i would arbitrarily favor one half of myself to beat the other half of myself at the game. i guess i'd rather have kerry land on monopoly's boardwalk more than bush, but given the option, i would have to go with richard pryor's choice in "brewster's millions": none of the above.

in other ugly news...
i returned to my healer today. i felt like a guilt-ridden catholic kid confessing her sins: how i ate that cookie two weeks ago; how i had that deadly combination of wine, weed and chocolate the night before (i didn't fully confess to the weed); how i ate some mango jello at my aunt's 80th birthday. he just kindly laughed, but said i need to stick to the diet.

"but my friend's getting married next weekend!"

"enjoy yourself at the wedding, but afterwards, you need to let your body heal."

i guess the past five weeks have been in preparation for something big, since now, i'm embarking on phase two of my holistic health kick in the pants. (warning: i'm going to start writing about bodily functions. if it's too much, well, shit. read someone else's blog :))

for the next few weeks, i'm going to be doing a slow-motion version of janet jackson's favorite medical treatment/entertainment excursion: colonics. my doctor has me taking flax seed oil, psyllium, and some other intestinal herbal power pill. apparently, he thinks i could use some plumbing work. roto-rooter!

i've become this pill popping, smoothie-making neurotic. i was always neurotic, but now, i'm neurotic and a pill popper. oh, i forgot to add: i'm going to soon be a pill popping neurotic who will forever be on the toilet. no wonder nothing's happening on loveorbust. with all this dieting, i'm afraid i'm going to turn into one of those ass-less skinny girls with the body of a 12-year old boy. in other words, paris hilton. if only benadryl could solve my allergies.

note to self: wine, weed and chocolate do not mix.

if only it were something else

i feel really stoned today. i was making oatmeal this morning, and i totally forgot about it cooking on the stove once i left the kitchen. i ended up making oatmeal cake. it was all right once i added some soy milk and strawberries.

i'm not sure what's going on. i was out late last night for a meeting for work. it was a very upsetting meeting--i went from wanting to implode to wanting to cry. i'm forever amazed at how larger-resourced organization have no qualms about exploiting and pimping small community-based organizations for their own benefit. i'm praying for the universe to send some lightning to the appropriate fuckheads.

i think that's why i'm so numb today. i'm still in shock about shit that shouldn't be so shocking. what did i expect from these over-resourced twits?

*** exes and target ***
i had such a strange dream today. an ex of mine was in it. i was at a bar talking to his roommate when my ex arrived. shortly after, his new girlfriend arrived. i thought, "she looks like an uglier version of him." i tried to ignore him, but he was at my table.

skip to...

i was getting a behind the scenes look at target. i saw an open drawer full of several pairs of scissors. i thought, "they really want to make sure their employees have readily accessible scissors." everything was bright and red in the store. there was nobody there except my ex's roommate. after talking to him, i realized he wasn't as much of an airhead as i had originally thought. then i woke up.

i think i'll make myself a cup of coffee.

things to do before i die

* i want to see the aurora borealis.
*
*
* i want to think about this a little more.

tuesday night is a full moon. i wonder if the extra hair will crawl out and if my canines will elongate.

in other worlds...

i need to learn how to leave my house more slowly. i'm the type of person who ends up leaving her house 3 or 4 times on average because i always remember something i had forgotten to bring with me right after i lock the front door and get into my car. if someone were to witness this, they'd see me do a repetitious march from the front door to my car, back again, back again.

and about the parking...

when i went to see gael and the motorcycle diaries, i completely forgot to take note as to where i parked at the grove. luckily, "d" saved me. i had absolutely no idea on which floor of the parking structure i was. without "d," i would have been completely lost. note to self: make note to self as to where you park EVERY TIME.

maybe i need to make a to do list for all these things:

things to do before i leave my house.
things to do before i leave my parked car.
things to do before i really start sounding like a nut under a full moon.