be all that you can be

r: you know... i just wanted to tell you that i think that you're maaaaad cute.

me: oh... thank you. uh... thanks. uh... i don't know what to say. i'm not that angry. but fyi... i'm really weird.


i'm destined not to live in the same city with any of my closest friends.

it's true. save for "i," everyone is leaving LA. i talked to "r" on the phone tonight--for you regular readers, this is not the "r" of the last two posts (though i did talk to him, too), nor is it the "r" of "R&R?". this is "r" from my berkeley days who has been also of my "LA days." knowing that he's leaving to teach english in japan for a year in the next couple of weeks makes me sad. "r" is truly my touchstone. my twin soul. his worries are my worries, and between the two of us, we somehow manage to pull together some solutions to each other's problems. he's my ducky in my "pretty in pink," even if he doesn't quite make it on time to the prom. i wonder what lesson i'm supposed to learn from having so many long-distant friendships... does it mean that i'm supposed to get the hell out of town? or, do dreamers not need the physical presence of their friends as much as the more spiritual and emotional presence of them, which can be sustained across great geographic distances? either way, it sucks. i'll either have to stay on friendster, or buy calling cards... or, get the hell out of LA.


on this side of the RR tracks

i saw "r" perform again tonight. short set. 5 string guitar, but he pushed on through. luckily, i put away the used car salesman two-hand handshake and got some conversation in. when describing how americans don't pay attention to lyrics very well, "r" said: you ask anyone to sing a beatles' song and they lose the lyrics half way through.

i knew differently. i know beatles' songs. at the age of 5, they were my only rock band, since i only knew about rock because of them.

i said: not unless you're obsessive. (shit! i'm already giving too much away... don't reveal the goods just yet!)


everything smells so damn GOOD...

i found out that "e" now has a blog. actually, he's had a blog for a few weeks now, and he's just decided to tell me. for those who don't know, "e" used to post on eye8infiniti as "heinrich." i guess he moved on to better and greener blog templates. can i tell you? i live multiple days in one day and multiple nights in one night. so, i was swigging on some whiskey while talking to "e" on the phone. it ended up making me damn tired--i fell asleep. now, when i read just now how i was "swigging," it makes me feel trashy--like i've got some problem with the drink. oh hell. maybe it's not so bad since i was really fiending for a mojito, from which i bravely prevented myself from having. anyway, i guess i got drowsy and started nodding off on the phone and talking nonsensical. last memory: "e" was telling me to go to sleep. i think i slept for about an hour, maybe less. then, i get up feeling like a loser who didn't do any work tonight, other than the energy expended in fixing myself a drink. i get up to turn off lights and close the windows when my phone rings:

me: hello?


me: oh, "r"? (i'm shocked. it was "r" from that online community that i will not mention here, since i have before and i don't care to have the cyber trails lead back to this post! i was about to write "r" off. now, he was calling me). an approximate one and one-half hour ensued that covered a range of topics: stage fright, extro vs. introversion, over-bearing parenting, "benign" parenting, musical childhoods, drugs, drug addicts and the people who love them, work, quitting work, unemployment, "i wanna get fired," you can't get unemployment if you get fired, i wanna quit, i played the clarinet, i played the clarinet too, "you comin' to my show tomorrow?," "i'm fading," and blah blah blah. i'm BAD AT LINEARITY. at least three times, i found myself making a random connection to something "r" said, to only realize, there is no connection to what he said and that i'm rambling, because in my warped mind, this shit made sense... great. let's just hope he's not linear, too. then, it would all make sense. here's to jagged lines!