i wonder if it'll be worth something in the future

i once had this journal covered with butterflies that i had taken with me to italy four years ago for my brother's wedding. in it, i had my two-week diatribe against europeans and eurocentrism and god awful mtv euro. i was appalled at really bad white italian rappers and how all the women on t.v. had either jet black dyed or platinum blonde dyed hair. the placement of hip hop culture in a white european context disturbed me considering how being a person of color in italy isn't particularly enjoyable (yeah. yeah. as if uncle sam gives me weekly back rubs). i thought the only people of color italians in rome could handle were their filipina maids (when they're at work... not at the store or out and about), michael jackson and kobe bryant. i wrote about how i hated how racist italians could be against foreigners and i wrote about how i hated my ability to understand every snide remark italians would think they could slide past my family and i. in it, i also had three 100 lire bills on which one had handwritten in italian that "whoever finds this will have good luck." lucky me.

i really wish i had this journal, but i lost it on the campus of ELACC during a torturous rehearsal for hnn (this asian am theatre group that i tumbled into and out of). i wonder who found it and what they thought. i wonder if they keep tabs on me through the internet... if you're out there: i'm still bitter, and yes, i want it back, dammit...