stay on target... stay on target

i'm cleaning my room. i'm not doing some simple dust job and tidy up job. i'm CLEANING my room. i'm a seriously disturbed pack rat. i have a big hefty cinch sak jumbo bag sitting in the middle of my dining room right now that is just filled with recyclable paper/crap. i was upset to find how i thought it necessary to keep magazines from 3 years ago under my desk, when i never had room for my feet under there for the past 2 years.

my room is really in bad shape. i keep saying that cliche, "it's darkest before the dawn." is that even right? i'm still in darkness and i think i will be for awhile.

i had to remove my office chair from the desk in my room, so that i would not be tempted to go on the computer and escape. in fact, i was going to type all this on my knees, but they hurt too much.

i can now see under my desk. i have to be careful to not fixate on this small victory, since i have the tendency to just stare and repeat, "hello! hello!" expecting that an echo will come back to me.

i'm doing the spring cleaning that i should've down every spring for the past five springs i've lived here. oh, hell. i'm a late bloomer.