i've been tired a lot lately. i have to wait another week before i can see the mammo people, since i have to wait for my insurance to kick in. goddamn this country for not having universal healthcare. you'd think the richest country in the world... never mind. you'd think a lot of things with this country, but having a government that works and serves the people right isn't one of them.

when i was 29, i wasn't that much healthier, but i sure as hell wasn't this tired. i thought i'd be one of those shiny, happy thirtysomething people that i'd always see telling me that they LOVE their 30's and that they sure as hell DON'T MISS their 20's. i think i miss my tweens. or better yet... preschool. though i had an abusive preschool, the biggest drama i had was wetting my pants all the time because i was too shy to ask to use the restroom. and at least my grandma lived with us for part of that time. the biggest drama with her living with us was that she and i shared a bed and i was too ashamed to let her know i sucked my thumb. now, my body feels like it's 30. it needs its sleep and it needs its doctor visits and it needs to tell me this everyday. at least when i was in my 20's, i could ignore it more.

damn... i should've cut down on the whiskey and the smokes when i could. note to self: when i see someone in their 20s, i'll give them a heads up.