OCD'd

i've been overdosing on the pixies for the last 48 hours. i was using it to pump me up during grueling nights where i had to stay up until 7.30am working on a screenplay for this workshop application. i guess had to comfort myself with "la la love you" during the moments when i thought my brain was going to mush. there was an interesting night (morning) between 7.30am--when i finally fell asleep--and 9am--when i finally heard my new alarm clock--that i dreamt the rest of the script. unfortunately, when i woke up, it wasn't transcribed onto my computer. my dream, of course, seemed more interesting than my actual finished product.

now, that i'm done, i'm still listening to the pixies and juggling 3 of their albums. i do this a lot. in order to curb addiction, i have to go all the way THROUGH it to finally kill it.

memory:
summer '96--one of my fondest memories of a summer--i was OCD'ing on nina simone. i actually went a few weeks listening to ONE song, "wild as the wind" on obsessive repeat. i was still a heavy smoker then, too. i remember just smoking out my bedroom window looking out into the tiny view of the street from the alleyway outside. actually, to see the street, i would have to lean OUT and to the LEFT a bit to see more than just the brick wall of the building next door. i would toss my cigarette butts down to the alley below until the day the landlord yelled up to my window and asked if those butts were mine:

landlord:(looking at a mess of 30-40 butts) do you know whose butts are these?

me: uh... i don't know. ( i was an illegal tenant at the time. i would often have to pose as my roommate's girlfriend to excuse my constant presence in the building). i know "t" had some friends over the other day. i think they smoke. (it's frightening how easy lies can come to you).

while i was saying this bullshit, i was holding my lit cigarette away from his view in my bedroom hoping that the conversation would end so i could finish it up and not waste the tobacco. after that day, i learned how to use an ashtray. sometimes, i miss smoking. but wait! it'll kill ya.

i'll always have my memories (and the occasionally bummed smoke).

oh, but back to OCD'ing. before the advent of the burnable CD, i used to TAPE the same song in repetitive succession to avoid having to rewind. now, that's dedication. i should've made an OCD of depeche mode's "just can't get enough" as a joke gift. fantastic idea... i'll save it for the next christmas season.