i'm having a quarter-life acid flashback

i'm living in a dorm room in an eerily empty dorm building on the campus of reed college in oregon. i've never been to portland. i'm freaked out because i'm all alone ("t" & "t" left a day early for home--ending our month-long "rock star without the glory and groupies" training tour). it's a bit depressing. it's as if i returned to my old college freshman dorm hoping to relive good times from college days, but instead found out i was grasping for familiar memories that are no longer there. i'm starting to feel my age. i know i should embrace it, but i'm such a nostalgic sucker, i am a bit down that those days are gone. maybe i should tune into livinginthepast.com. god, how fucking pathetic.

even though this month has really kicked my ass with all the touring and training, i'm now scared to come home. i'm scared that routine of home will be worse than the constant limbo i've been living for the past month. i've slept in 8 different beds over a period of one month, and i've only unpacked my suitcase once. thank god i stocked up on the underwear.

to kill the silence in my lonely dorm room that followed a lengthy "it's so painful to be an aural witness to what's going on in your life" conversation with "h," i've turned to listening to online radio (via a stolen ethernet cable--i'm desperate, i tell you). online radio is creepy. i feel like i'm listening to cyber ghosts. there's no breathing body in some far-off studio hand-selecting the eclectic musical collection on beatlesarama.com. i'm aching for something familiar, but instead, i only got one wings song and unrecognizable "not even b-side, but maybe c-side" john lennon tracks and "is this a cover?" versions?? of beatle-esque songs sung by artists who may or may not be stevie wonder or ray charles. there's NO HUMAN in this cyberspace to tell me who's who or what's what. why am i still listening to this? i think i need to find a classic rock station. this online radio shit is creeping me out. regardless, i know this odd time will pass...(i'm working on my optimism, fyi).