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5.28.2003



let's try, self obsession

i think i'm a bit too obsessed with things that pertain to my life only in relation to other people. i feel like i'm always "interrupting" other people involved in their own work, whereas i'm lacking focus for my own work. why don't we have people interrupt me for a change? why don't i become the monomaniacal, ambitious go-getter that has things going all the time and is first and is foremost dedicated to my own work? granted, i do have a lot of things going on in my life, but i don't think i've dedicated the necessary amount of time to let those projects flourish. shit. when was the last time i finished a film? i need to go into hibernation and do my shit. i was thinking of going up north next week. i think instead, i'll travel in my mind and create something new. and... i'll do it by my lonesome because other people will distract me and make me want to be engaged in what they're doing instead of what i'm doing. i'm rambling... i hate being such a mental multi-tasker. i need to be an active multi-doer. that's right world. screw you (well, until i get my shit together). i'm praying for a coup d'etat. hi ashcroft!

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