my attempt to be prolific

shit. i need to write more. i need to write better. i need to quit writing about writing and write...

what a hypocrite. i tell my students to write and i haven't given myself time to really write in months... i need to be prolific. there are so many artists who have died sad and alone, but they left behind at least one piece of work that made someone else in some other time ache for them... is that the pay off?

i'm going to my high school reunion tomorrow. why? because, i got duped into it by my friend, "h," who it turns out will not be attending the reunion because she's on her honeymoon. lovely. i called my ex, "f," today to see if he had a dress of mine that i wanted to wear for the reunion. i left a voicemail. let's see if he calls back. the thing is, i'm going to see these high school fuckers for one night only. do i really give a somersaulting snake what they see me in? they're lucky if they even see me. i'm there to look up two people... i think: this class clown, "n," and my junior high school crush, "s." after that, i'm checking out and getting a drink and partying with the friends that i didn't have to pay $78/ ticket + "memory book" to see. go (insert school mascot).

btw, when frank black of the pixies sings in spanish, it sounds really bad. why, dude, why?

i'm on edge... not on the eve

i snapped at my students today for being unfocused, for not respecting the person "on the mic," and for being just a bunch of self-absorbed, antsy teenagers thinking they're doing me a favor for having me witness their unfunny jokes and their immature behavior. i told them, "we can make these four days go well by supporting each other and respecting each other; or, we can make these four days a living hell." the reaction? silence. one girl tried to stifle a laugh. she was one of the more cookie cutter girls of the group... was high school really that lame? maybe i'm jealous because i'm pushing 30. i'm not on the "eve" of thirty, but close enough... maybe i want to take 10 years off my body... but, do i really? would i want to relive that again? btw, thanks to "r," i've been newly turned onto violeta parra and her song. you can listen to a bit here. i wish i could paint pictures with words like she does... (sigh).

that's it.

i think i'm going to quit my day job. seriously, if i were to die tomorrow, i would be so angry at myself for playing too safe in life. i have a little bit of money saved up. i'm still in debt and will be in debt. so, why stay at the day job? yes, health insurance will be gone, but then hey--i'll take my chances. i'm going to just focus on teaching with my krew and making films and causing trouble... fuck it. i'm not married. i have no kids. i have a knack for nonlinearity and i have bouts of illogic... it fits! I'M FIRED!!!!